Review: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Just when you thought the shark couldn’t be jumped further than it was in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, leave it to Indiana Jones to defy all odds once again.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is the newest and (most likely) final installment to this legendary franchise. Much like a lot of people, Raiders of the Lost Ark is a film I cherish fondly; it’s got it all: action, adventure, memorable characters, and an auteur behind the camera with a strong vision. All the other sequels that followed tried but ultimately could not replicate the lightning-in-a-bottle Raiders gave us, with the fourth entry Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in particular leaving a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouth.

Naturally the fans wanted one more Indy film to wash away the aftertaste of Crystal Skull, and boy oh boy this latest Indy film sure does. But we all probably should’ve seen that Monkey’s Paw curl as this film in my opinion is definitely the worst film in the franchise and one of the worst films to come out this year.

This is the first film in the franchise not helmed by Steven Spielberg, with director James Mangold of Logan and Ford v Ferrari fame taking over the chair, and you can definitely tell the difference. Gone is Spielberg’s iconic use of blocking and long takes that were a staple of this franchise and now we got a manufactured product that’s no different compared to other generic treasure hunting movies we see nowadays, complete with basic shot-reverse shot conversations, editing fast enough to make your head spin, and copious amounts of uncanny CGI.

A lot of talk around this film involves the use of de-aging technology on Harrison Ford to make him look fifty years younger for a flashback sequence in the beginning of the film. The technology is hit-or-miss; at some points the de-aging effects really do look convincing, but all that changes the moment you hear an eighty-year-old voice coming out of a thirty-year-old face. Things start to become even more uncanny when that CGI Indy starts duking it out with a bunch of Nazis and other CGI creepy crawlies in a series of uninspired action sequences.

Ford himself doesn’t seem enthused to don the whip and fedora again; he has one scene where he’s able to convey a bit of emotion but for the most part he seems to be on auto pilot for the entire film. Phoebe Waller-Bridge was charming enough but all her charisma is wasted on an uninteresting and incredibly unlikable character. There weren’t any bad performances among the rest of the cast, but neither do anyone else stand out in any remarkable way, especially when given this poorly cobbled together script that an AI might as well could’ve written.

Now I wasn’t expecting a lot with this film; we’ve already seen multiple futile attempts to escape Raiders’s shadow with the previous sequels. All I wanted to see out of this film was a fun throwback to what made Indiana Jones an endearing character to begin with. Instead we got one of the most dreary adventure films I had to sit through. Say whatever you want about Crystal Skull, but at least it had some of the fun and adventure you’d expect from an Indiana Jones movie.

This film had no sense of adventure and no sense of discovery that the other films all had; we merely go from one location to another for plot purposes. This film barely even does that iconic map transition that became a staple in this franchise. The climax to this slog at the very least is about as bat-shit insane as the climaxes to the other Indiana Jones films, but you’re going to have to wait until the last twenty minutes of this two and a half hour waste of time to even experience it for yourself.

Overall this was an unbearable waste of time; no amount of member-berries sprinkled throughout by John Williams can salvage this joyless imitation of a better movie. If you found this movie to be fun then don’t let me spoil it for you. I’m glad you’re able to find enjoyment in something I could not. But man this movie made me mentally exhausted, and thank the Lord this is the last “adventure” we’ll ever see (or at least until Disney decide to dig up this franchise’s decayed remains once more like the grave-robbers they are.)

If you’re looking for a fun, action-packed adventure flick with memorable characters and a memorable soundtrack, watch Raiders of the Lost Ark instead, and skip this heaping pile of poisoned CGI dates.

Final Verdict: 1/10